I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
