I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
