I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
