things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize