First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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