WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize