is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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