How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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