my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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