your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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