can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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