I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
