Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
