my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize