I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
