I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
