oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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