I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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