you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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