I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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