y did u give ur computer a hand job?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
