I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
