i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
