i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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