the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
