I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
