It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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