OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
