i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
