So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
