go do what you do best...puke behind churches
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize