Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
