why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
