I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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