I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize