Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Green mimosas i think yes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
