the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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