i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
