as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
