I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize