once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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