No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
