It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
