I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
