I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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