I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
