My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
