drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
