Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
