I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
