I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
