my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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