I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
