Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
