hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
