How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
