I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
