Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
