the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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