At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
