So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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