I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
