hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
