she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FUCK WHALES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
