i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He better not be in your backpack
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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