Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
