meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
