Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
