I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize