she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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