I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
