Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
