omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
