It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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