In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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