U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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