she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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