He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
