I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
