my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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