Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Randomize
