he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize