She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
