i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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