is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
