I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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