Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
