Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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