hotel room ftw
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
