so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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