i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
