oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
