I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize