Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
