he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
