We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
