I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
