you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
