All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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