I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
