Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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