Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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