Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
