If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
