Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
