Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
