I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize