Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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