Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize