her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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