the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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