having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
