I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
